Indeed, to be completely honest, didn't really work out at all.
We had started messaging each other at the end of last semester, right before finals. The nice (if you could call it that) coincidence was that we had exams the same days--indeed, we shared one exam. But even post-exam period, when we had gone home for the holidays, the messages continued to flow. Most of the time, I wasn't the one initiating them. Regardless, I looked forward to them every night. It was funny--I'd get the messages around 11pm or 12am, when it was already 1-2am on the East Coast. But we would always be chatting for an hour, maybe half, maybe more.
The messages dried up after New Years. I reasoned that it was difficult to enjoy a trip to South Africa and Germany and still find time to text someone back in the States, nine time zones away. Even when messages weren't forthcoming after the trip, I just assumed it was because it was almost time to get back to campus, and everyone was just busy packing.
So it was a little unfortunate when we couldn't exchange over ten words to each other when we finally met up on campus. If we can even call it that. The first two times we met eyes, a total of zero words were spoken. The third time? "Hey." "Oh! Hi!" And then we parted ways.
A few nights later, around 3am when words just start spilling directly from my brain into the world, I sent a message: "Would you like to go for coffee on Friday?" I even gave times when I was available, times on other days if Friday didn't exactly work out. Twenty four hours later, there was still no word. It wasn't until the day after that, when we were chatting about the mundane topic of classes (a conversation that I had started up, albeit on Facebook--as usual), I snuck in a strategic, "So is Friday a no-go?" The answer was as expected.
For a while, I hoped that we may take the same class. We were shopping the same government class, and we met up at a meeting for the Harvard Political Review. Both of us are planning to write articles for the publication, and from the way things look now it seems pretty plausible that we'll be seeing each other at least once a week, in the meeting room. Part of me still wants to break the barrier, to strike up conversation, and perhaps to re-extend that coffee offer. But part of me--a part that's been nagging all along, a part that has compared our intellects and found mine to be far inferior, a part that constantly scolded the overjoyed side of me throughout those few weeks of "attraction"--that part knows that it'll probably come to nothing.
And that's where we stand right now.
And though it had never really had the time to grow into anything in the first place, there's still a sinking feeling when I realize that the "seed" hidden "far beneath the bitter snows" is perpetually frozen, never to make it to the Spring.
#BetteMidler #ohgod #sosappy #thisisneithertwitternortumblrwhyhashtags
Speaking of tumblr... Some recent posts in which I wallow in self-pity:
http://kenmeows.tumblr.com/post/16807201285/simplementconfondu-accurate-if-i-were
http://kenmeows.tumblr.com/post/16852920227
Aaaaaaaand we're done.
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