I can't tell if I'm in love [or "in like"] with someone or just in love with the idea of being in a relationship. It's a little unfortunate. Especially when said someone doesn't reciprocate.
Because I love expressing myself in song, and because I love songs I can identify with...
Songs I have in mind:
Imogen Heap: Goodnight and Go
Sam Tsui - Hold It Against Me [Britney Spears Cover]
Sam Tsui - Start Again
Friday, September 23, 2011
Sunday, September 18, 2011
9/17/11-9/18/11: The Adventure in the Wee Hours
There are certain people who begin to behave as if they are drunk once the clock hits 12am. I am one of those people. So, apparently, are Sarah Coughlon, Jon Titus, and Audrey Zhang. Put us all together for 6 hours [11pm-5am] and chaos happens. One spectacular development is that Ken Mai begins birthing babies after having laughed for too long. Deep breath in, push, and repeat. That keeps me acting sober for another 2 minutes. Maybe.
Over the course of the night, we were exposed to some actually drunk people, which served to expose how drunk we [or rather, I] were acting. To be honest, Jon was quite the caretaker/drunk-sitter and did in fact restrain Curtis from hurting both himself and others. He succeeded a majority of the time. The other two boys--Carlos and Kevin--weren't as intoxicated, and behaved quite well. :)
After the drunken boys had left [with Jon in tow to keep them safe], things were calm for a while. We mostly worked on our separate homework assignments [well, I did; Audrey started Skyping and Sarah curled up with the Green Monster. Once Jon came back, so did crazy plans to go to Ikea and IHOP. The latter we actually did; the former was delegated to a latter date.
Back in Sarah's dorm, we find that in our excitement to leave for fluffy goodness that is pancakes at 3am, she had forgotten her key. And so we call hupdee [HUPD] and start waking up the whole entryway with our drunken laughter at the ridiculousness of the situation. A HUPD officer comes, unlocks the door, gives Sarah a little lecture, and we start being hysterical again once she leaves. Finally, though, we're winding down a bit, and as much as we'd love to stay awake until the morning, we start drifting asleep, and staying asleep. Jon and I had the awkward dilemma of finding ways/enough positions to be comfortable sans comfy chair or bed, but we managed, eventually. ;)
So most everyone is just out of it by 5am. I'm up until around 6, and to solve my insomnia I go around turning off the lights in the room [and this is when I realize that there's already light outside]. Finally manage to fall asleep [on the nice, comfy floor], and approximately 3 hours later, we start waking up. Starbucks has opened by now, but we have little actual intention of going. Audrey leaves for the "thing" she has to do up at the Quad, and Jon and I find our way back to our respective dorms to sleep or [in my case] shower and update my blog. :)
And that brings us to now.
Yes, for the first time since I've been here, I woke up in a place that was not Weld 32. It was spectacular. :)
Over the course of the night, we were exposed to some actually drunk people, which served to expose how drunk we [or rather, I] were acting. To be honest, Jon was quite the caretaker/drunk-sitter and did in fact restrain Curtis from hurting both himself and others. He succeeded a majority of the time. The other two boys--Carlos and Kevin--weren't as intoxicated, and behaved quite well. :)
Jon stealing away phone from Curtis to stop him from inviting more people over, and to protect him from texting/posting anything that might be regretted in a sober state.
The other two: nice and behaved. For the most part; Carlos broke Sarah's hairtie.
After the drunken boys had left [with Jon in tow to keep them safe], things were calm for a while. We mostly worked on our separate homework assignments [well, I did; Audrey started Skyping and Sarah curled up with the Green Monster. Once Jon came back, so did crazy plans to go to Ikea and IHOP. The latter we actually did; the former was delegated to a latter date.
Back in Sarah's dorm, we find that in our excitement to leave for fluffy goodness that is pancakes at 3am, she had forgotten her key. And so we call hupdee [HUPD] and start waking up the whole entryway with our drunken laughter at the ridiculousness of the situation. A HUPD officer comes, unlocks the door, gives Sarah a little lecture, and we start being hysterical again once she leaves. Finally, though, we're winding down a bit, and as much as we'd love to stay awake until the morning, we start drifting asleep, and staying asleep. Jon and I had the awkward dilemma of finding ways/enough positions to be comfortable sans comfy chair or bed, but we managed, eventually. ;)
So most everyone is just out of it by 5am. I'm up until around 6, and to solve my insomnia I go around turning off the lights in the room [and this is when I realize that there's already light outside]. Finally manage to fall asleep [on the nice, comfy floor], and approximately 3 hours later, we start waking up. Starbucks has opened by now, but we have little actual intention of going. Audrey leaves for the "thing" she has to do up at the Quad, and Jon and I find our way back to our respective dorms to sleep or [in my case] shower and update my blog. :)
And that brings us to now.
Yes, for the first time since I've been here, I woke up in a place that was not Weld 32. It was spectacular. :)
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Quite a bit happened today.
0) [stuff that happened before going to bed]
The party hosted by the Harvard College Dems wasn't that great; was too full and after I saw the room and the line outside the room, decided against going in. Instead, just walked with friends around the Square. Lost track of two of them after a while and then had my hands busy keeping one of the drunken boys from getting run over. Took a long walk with him in the cold, talking about Harry Potter, classes, and a mutual friend/enemy. :P Then I guided him back toward his dorm.
Once I got back, Jon texts me and asks to hang out, and I oblige. The two of us plus my suitemate Ding decide to watch a movie that Ding chooses, but Ding falls asleep after 1/3 of it, so Jon and I struggle through another 1/3 before calling it quits [it was a difficult-to-grasp and slightly angsty French film]. I decided to keep Ding in my bed and attempt to sleep outside in the common room. Within 3 hours, I probably get like 1 hour of sleep. Thankfully, Ding wakes up to his alarm at 6 and crawls back into his room, telling me to get the hell back into my bed. :P Sleep until 10.
1) Post-breakfast/lunch, in the middle of making Chinese flash cards, Dylan Lusi calls me. I was planning to call him after making flash cards, but this was a welcome turn of events. So we talk, and I walk outside into the Yard since it's nice and sunny, with a light breeze. We talk for about 20 minutes and things are fine [not too many awkward pauses; I'm good at breaking silence, at least on the phone.] Then I bring my arm down to my side and feel this sharp pain in my arm, and voila a bee is hanging by its stinger on my arm. I'm panicked, because it's my first bee sting and because I can't tell if it's a bee or a wasp, and many expletives later, I find my way to the Urgent Care for some advice. Fast forward one hour, I have a cold pack on my arm and a sheepish expression on my face, and a slight throbbing in the general direction of the sting [the bee fell off before I reached the center; I don't think it's stinger stayed on me.] Oh well; at least I have more life experience.
2) Unsuccessful attempt to invite friends to watch a movie tonight. Begin to wonder if my new friends are actually friends. Frustrated. Take nap. Wake up at 6. Decide to take a walk after dinner. Go to dinner, walking with suitemate. See girls from across the hall worried about said suitemate because he had not eaten when they had gone to dinner together at 5pm; they brought him a toasted bagel, lots of crackers, and a sandwich; wonder if my new friends would ever do the same for me; doubt it; miss my friends from home. Go eat dinner alone.
3) Take a long walk. Decide to walk along the Charles River because I have yet to do so. Listen to Fleet Foxes 'Hopeless Blues' album. Plan to turn back when I finish the album; cross bridge and find myself in Boston, and that I'm quite a ways from the riverside. Find my way on a map and orient myself. Start listening to Ra Ra Riot's 'Orchard' album; finish that and listen to their 'Rhumb Line' album. Start to worry that I'm lost, and call Curtis, my fellow Arizonian friend [who I'm feeling pretty okay with again after having walked for 2 hours]. Get myself oriented, then lost, then oriented again. Find my way to familiar surroundings, but first, I find out where the Harvard Stadium is. Take a detour into JFK Memorial Park [by now I know where I am] and start listening to Death Cab's 'Codes and Keys' album. Get back to my dorm ["I'm home," I think] and finish the album, singing along to the last few songs.
Here's a picture of my route:
Now it's 10:30. I should probably do more Chinese flashcards and start practicing them, or start studying for the (optional/extra credit) Econ Unit Test that's tomorrow. Then there's the literary analysis essay I ought to start brainstorming for, and perhaps there are some articles I have to read for Linguistics. Not to mention the NYT and Brookings and Economist articles I want to cut for the Extemp team. But I'm probably going to just laze around my room for another while, and then maybe go to sleep. We'll see. :)
0) [stuff that happened before going to bed]
The party hosted by the Harvard College Dems wasn't that great; was too full and after I saw the room and the line outside the room, decided against going in. Instead, just walked with friends around the Square. Lost track of two of them after a while and then had my hands busy keeping one of the drunken boys from getting run over. Took a long walk with him in the cold, talking about Harry Potter, classes, and a mutual friend/enemy. :P Then I guided him back toward his dorm.
Once I got back, Jon texts me and asks to hang out, and I oblige. The two of us plus my suitemate Ding decide to watch a movie that Ding chooses, but Ding falls asleep after 1/3 of it, so Jon and I struggle through another 1/3 before calling it quits [it was a difficult-to-grasp and slightly angsty French film]. I decided to keep Ding in my bed and attempt to sleep outside in the common room. Within 3 hours, I probably get like 1 hour of sleep. Thankfully, Ding wakes up to his alarm at 6 and crawls back into his room, telling me to get the hell back into my bed. :P Sleep until 10.
1) Post-breakfast/lunch, in the middle of making Chinese flash cards, Dylan Lusi calls me. I was planning to call him after making flash cards, but this was a welcome turn of events. So we talk, and I walk outside into the Yard since it's nice and sunny, with a light breeze. We talk for about 20 minutes and things are fine [not too many awkward pauses; I'm good at breaking silence, at least on the phone.] Then I bring my arm down to my side and feel this sharp pain in my arm, and voila a bee is hanging by its stinger on my arm. I'm panicked, because it's my first bee sting and because I can't tell if it's a bee or a wasp, and many expletives later, I find my way to the Urgent Care for some advice. Fast forward one hour, I have a cold pack on my arm and a sheepish expression on my face, and a slight throbbing in the general direction of the sting [the bee fell off before I reached the center; I don't think it's stinger stayed on me.] Oh well; at least I have more life experience.
2) Unsuccessful attempt to invite friends to watch a movie tonight. Begin to wonder if my new friends are actually friends. Frustrated. Take nap. Wake up at 6. Decide to take a walk after dinner. Go to dinner, walking with suitemate. See girls from across the hall worried about said suitemate because he had not eaten when they had gone to dinner together at 5pm; they brought him a toasted bagel, lots of crackers, and a sandwich; wonder if my new friends would ever do the same for me; doubt it; miss my friends from home. Go eat dinner alone.
3) Take a long walk. Decide to walk along the Charles River because I have yet to do so. Listen to Fleet Foxes 'Hopeless Blues' album. Plan to turn back when I finish the album; cross bridge and find myself in Boston, and that I'm quite a ways from the riverside. Find my way on a map and orient myself. Start listening to Ra Ra Riot's 'Orchard' album; finish that and listen to their 'Rhumb Line' album. Start to worry that I'm lost, and call Curtis, my fellow Arizonian friend [who I'm feeling pretty okay with again after having walked for 2 hours]. Get myself oriented, then lost, then oriented again. Find my way to familiar surroundings, but first, I find out where the Harvard Stadium is. Take a detour into JFK Memorial Park [by now I know where I am] and start listening to Death Cab's 'Codes and Keys' album. Get back to my dorm ["I'm home," I think] and finish the album, singing along to the last few songs.
Here's a picture of my route:
Now it's 10:30. I should probably do more Chinese flashcards and start practicing them, or start studying for the (optional/extra credit) Econ Unit Test that's tomorrow. Then there's the literary analysis essay I ought to start brainstorming for, and perhaps there are some articles I have to read for Linguistics. Not to mention the NYT and Brookings and Economist articles I want to cut for the Extemp team. But I'm probably going to just laze around my room for another while, and then maybe go to sleep. We'll see. :)
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Me and Treadmills
So back at home, I have a treadmill that I've rarely used since the summer post-8th grade. I've had really bad experiences with it, especially after I started running outdoors, because it's sloped up quite a bit and running at 3 or 4 mphs for 30 minutes on the treadmill feels worse than running 5 or 6 mphs outside for 42 minutes. That's why I expected to never use the gyms here at Harvard.
However, I gave it a try on Monday, since I didn't wake up early enough to run with my friend [these last 2 days], and I quite liked it. 4 mph felt really slow, so I went up to 5, 6, and 6.5 mph and ran quite comfortably for a mile (well, as comfortably as you can run while sweating and struggling to breathe). I've been doing sorta-intervals, walking for a bit to warm up, then running for a mile or so at 6.5mph before slowing back down to around 4mph, then jogging one final bit at 5.5-6.5mph. This has resulted in about 3 miles in 35 minutes, and about 10 calories burned per minute. Not particularly remarkable, but at least I'm getting back into the habit. Hopefully I'll stop being a wimp after another week or so and I'll actually be able to run outside [until the weather makes it impossible] to MIT and back. For now, though, going to the gym hasn't been as horrendous as I expected it to be. And that's always nice. :)
However, I gave it a try on Monday, since I didn't wake up early enough to run with my friend [these last 2 days], and I quite liked it. 4 mph felt really slow, so I went up to 5, 6, and 6.5 mph and ran quite comfortably for a mile (well, as comfortably as you can run while sweating and struggling to breathe). I've been doing sorta-intervals, walking for a bit to warm up, then running for a mile or so at 6.5mph before slowing back down to around 4mph, then jogging one final bit at 5.5-6.5mph. This has resulted in about 3 miles in 35 minutes, and about 10 calories burned per minute. Not particularly remarkable, but at least I'm getting back into the habit. Hopefully I'll stop being a wimp after another week or so and I'll actually be able to run outside [until the weather makes it impossible] to MIT and back. For now, though, going to the gym hasn't been as horrendous as I expected it to be. And that's always nice. :)
Monday, September 12, 2011
Week 2
So, several late-nighters, ice-cream socials, and Chinese essays later, I find myself in my 3rd week here. Yay.
Things haven't been tough yet. There's always something to do, but that's just because I put it off until night--and then I procrastinate by going on Facebook instead of doing my work. Still, I've been managing pretty well.
I did have to spend 3 hours on a Chinese essay, though, which was assigned on Thursday afternoon and due Friday afternoon. Most frustrating experience here so far. On the other hand, I love my Expos Writing class, since mine is themed around Contemporary Immigrant Fiction [which I read a lot of in Tracy's class last semester!] and the one short story I've had to read so far was pretty interesting. Very critical of the American Dream, very realistic, and very Upton Sinclair-esque [minus the Socialism].
Socially, I've found a nice bunch of friends. I do sometimes feel more like a tag-along rather than as a member of the group, but maybe that's because I spend so much time alone or in my room. They're also somewhat distinct [roommates, Arizonans, Weld 24, etc.], but some of them are very conducive to meshing [i.e. my roommates [Weld 32] are often in Weld 24 because those girls down there are such great people]. I don't feel an absolute sense of belonging yet--it's still a sort of tenuous attachment that I have to make a bit of an effort to maintain. I guess the best simile is that it's a lot like my last year of Jr. High--"friends" with a bunch of people, but no one who I'm really fitting in with effortlessly [like the group I found at the end of Senior year or with Speech and Debate. <3]
Something eventful....well, I finally got to running. Ran yesterday with one of my new friends, Carlos. He, I, and Curtis [another guy from Arizona] have formed somewhat of a trio [or rather a duo + me], but Carlos and I get along in that we're both able to make snide comments to each other about Curtis. We ran along the path to MIT, and I started dying before we even hit the 1 mile mark. By the time we got to 2 miles [or rather, HE got to 2 miles] I was dead and basically jogging in place. He was good and stopped/slowed down for me a few times--which made me feel like I was dragging him down--but we eventually made it back to Hahvahd. I'm hoping to hit the gym up tonight and get some exercise, since I didn't wake up early enough to go jogging with him again today. Really need to get back in shape--my thighs are sooo sore today from running yesterday; walking up and down the stairs is painful.
Tonight is the Mid-Autumn Festival, which typically means eating mooncakes and gazing at the moon at home. I didn't expect to be able to do it here [in fact, I thought the holiday was tomorrow night] but the Chinese-American Society is having a Mooncake Study Break tonight in the Observatory, so I will hopefully be able to snag some [really fattening] mooncake and look briefly at the full moon after running and before finishing my readings.
One more thing: today I thought again about how it's even possible that I got into Harvard. Most everyone else has done some really amazing things--some internships, lots of non-obligatory volunteer work with young children, 1st place in multiple events at national tournaments, multiple leadership positions in various clubs, rich parents, etc. etc. And here I am, a very average kid who doesn't have any real discernible talent [especially when so many people here can learn languages really quickly too]. It's a really big quandary. But I'll accept the fact that I'm an average person at Harvard, at least for now. Hopefully I'll be able to make the most of this incredible opportunity.
Ta ta for now.
Things haven't been tough yet. There's always something to do, but that's just because I put it off until night--and then I procrastinate by going on Facebook instead of doing my work. Still, I've been managing pretty well.
I did have to spend 3 hours on a Chinese essay, though, which was assigned on Thursday afternoon and due Friday afternoon. Most frustrating experience here so far. On the other hand, I love my Expos Writing class, since mine is themed around Contemporary Immigrant Fiction [which I read a lot of in Tracy's class last semester!] and the one short story I've had to read so far was pretty interesting. Very critical of the American Dream, very realistic, and very Upton Sinclair-esque [minus the Socialism].
Socially, I've found a nice bunch of friends. I do sometimes feel more like a tag-along rather than as a member of the group, but maybe that's because I spend so much time alone or in my room. They're also somewhat distinct [roommates, Arizonans, Weld 24, etc.], but some of them are very conducive to meshing [i.e. my roommates [Weld 32] are often in Weld 24 because those girls down there are such great people]. I don't feel an absolute sense of belonging yet--it's still a sort of tenuous attachment that I have to make a bit of an effort to maintain. I guess the best simile is that it's a lot like my last year of Jr. High--"friends" with a bunch of people, but no one who I'm really fitting in with effortlessly [like the group I found at the end of Senior year or with Speech and Debate. <3]
Something eventful....well, I finally got to running. Ran yesterday with one of my new friends, Carlos. He, I, and Curtis [another guy from Arizona] have formed somewhat of a trio [or rather a duo + me], but Carlos and I get along in that we're both able to make snide comments to each other about Curtis. We ran along the path to MIT, and I started dying before we even hit the 1 mile mark. By the time we got to 2 miles [or rather, HE got to 2 miles] I was dead and basically jogging in place. He was good and stopped/slowed down for me a few times--which made me feel like I was dragging him down--but we eventually made it back to Hahvahd. I'm hoping to hit the gym up tonight and get some exercise, since I didn't wake up early enough to go jogging with him again today. Really need to get back in shape--my thighs are sooo sore today from running yesterday; walking up and down the stairs is painful.
Tonight is the Mid-Autumn Festival, which typically means eating mooncakes and gazing at the moon at home. I didn't expect to be able to do it here [in fact, I thought the holiday was tomorrow night] but the Chinese-American Society is having a Mooncake Study Break tonight in the Observatory, so I will hopefully be able to snag some [really fattening] mooncake and look briefly at the full moon after running and before finishing my readings.
One more thing: today I thought again about how it's even possible that I got into Harvard. Most everyone else has done some really amazing things--some internships, lots of non-obligatory volunteer work with young children, 1st place in multiple events at national tournaments, multiple leadership positions in various clubs, rich parents, etc. etc. And here I am, a very average kid who doesn't have any real discernible talent [especially when so many people here can learn languages really quickly too]. It's a really big quandary. But I'll accept the fact that I'm an average person at Harvard, at least for now. Hopefully I'll be able to make the most of this incredible opportunity.
Ta ta for now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)